you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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