the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
