I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
