It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
