i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
