So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just want to make out with him forever
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
