Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
