So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
