that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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