booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The adults are the big ones right?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
