dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The air was thick with penises
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
