Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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