I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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