he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
