lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
