What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
