How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
