Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
