SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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