You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
