I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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