two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
