remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was like getting head from an anaconda
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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