Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
