My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
