i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
