Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
