Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
