He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm bleeding and have questions
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
