Just fell off a train. Bad.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
