remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We were destined to go to rehab together
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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