Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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