i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
