Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
