Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
