My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
