And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
