We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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