the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
