Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
