If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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