I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
