Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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