I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
