Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
God I need to hump something, right now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
