Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
