Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
