that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
