i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
