she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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