I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
