Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
