She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
