you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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